Here's an early draft of a movie script Lyzz and I started working on. However, since the only person who has this link IS Lyzz, it seems quite odd that this needs any explanation.
scene ONE: GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM
(black screen; 8:14; black screen)
ANDY: Okay, are you hot?
ALEX: (over phone) Oh, Andy, I AM hot. For you. Ohhhh...
ANDY: Fuck off. Is six up?
ALEX: (over phone) Yeah... Six is up. [pause] Hallways are up. [pause] Classrooms are up. Okay, we're hot, ready whenever you are.
ANDY: Ok, thanks.
ALEX: (over phone, sarcastically) Yeah. Have a good one. (phone clicks)
(Long shot of KCI - Bell rings; extreme close-up of ANDY's hands on the board, keyboard)
ALEX: (recording) Please stand for the playing of O Canada. (O Canada starts playing)
(medium shot - ANDY turns towards camera, somewhat maniacal grin)
ANDY: (to camera) Peachy. (grabs cuecards and walks towards door, towards camera)
(tracking shot of ANDY walking from SWIFT to the PIT, reading over the cue cards)
ANDY: (voiceover) That's me. I'm Andy. Some poor schmuck put me in charge of this radio gig, so I find myself here every morning, long before my dick even thinks about morning wood, working on a shitty five-minute segment nobody cares about. You could say it leaves me somewhat unsatisfied, and you could say I have a bit of a temper issue.
(cut to - ANDY beating a keyboard. A small cat walks by ANDY. Mean look on ANDY's face, freeze-frame on Andy getting ready to kick, cat screech is heard; resume to shot of ANDY in the hall)
ANDY: (voiceover) Personally, I haven't the faintest fucking idea what you mean...
(ANDY walks to PIT, opens door, enters)
ANDY: Okay, kids, here's the cards. We got Volleyball, Bake Sale, Movie Night, Rugby 1 and Rugby 2, Scrabble Club... what the... anyway... Okay, did we get everything in?
(camera turns quickly to ELYSIA)
ELYSIA: Caf, have we done the caf? (camera freezes on ELYSIA)
ANDY: (voiceover) That's Elysia. She's been with us since the beginning, but nobody really knows what she does.
ANDY: Caf's in, all's good?
(camera turns quickly to ALEX, sitting at computer)
ALEX: Oh, crap, we forgot the... the uh... (camera freezes on ALEX)
ANDY: (voiceover) Alex, or TechMan, as we call him, knows everything there is to know about the technical side of things. Unfortunately, he's got an awful sense of humor and tends to be just a tad anal-retentive about things.
(cut to - ALEX fixing a sign on PIT door; DAVE enters)
DAVE: It's fine.
ALEX: No, it's not, it's still crooked. (ALEX tapes sign, walks away three feet, adjusts sign, repeat)
DAVE: It's fine, Alex, it's been fine for the past twenty-five minutes!
ALEX: No, I gotta get it straight.
DAVE: Here, let me -- (reaches for sign)
ALEX: Step away from the sign, you cuntmunch!
(back to PIT - still shot of ALEX - action resumes)
ALEX: (laughing) I don't know, I'm kidding, we got all the announcements in. (silence except for the announcements playing faintly in the background. ANDY looks sternly at ALEX) It's okay, dude, chillax! (ANDY continues to stare blankly at ALEX) Just chillax! (ANDY continues to stare blankly at ALEX) Right, I'll be in SWIFT if you guys need me. (ALEX gets up, awkwardly squeezes past ANDY, mutters) saucy bastard. (ANDY gives ALEX a startled glance, shakes it off thinking he misheard ALEX)
(screen goes black, movie title in red lettering appears on screen; announcements drone in the background)
ANDY: (sighs) Right.
scene TWO: THEY CALL US THE PEANUT GALLERY
(black screen; 8:32; zoom out from LYZZ's breasts [t-shirt with "SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THESE"] walking towards camera in slow motion with the intro from The Doors - Suzie Q playing in the background; GAGS is inaudibly playing guitar outside the PIT, quite unnoticed)
ANDY: (voiceover) That's Lyzz. Lyzz is beautiful. Lyzz is smart. Lyzz is funny. Lyzz is an awful, awful, awful tease. (LYZZ walks by GAGS, runs her hand across GAGS cheek, pulls him closer, walks away; camera stays on GAGS; GAGS drops pick; music stops; GAGS fidgets awkwardly; guitar strap comes undone, almost drops guitar, laughs nervously)
(inside the PIT, ANDY is sitting on St. CYR's desk reading a magazine; ALEX is editing music; SARAH and DAVE are sitting on the back table, talking; LYZZ enters; ANDY looks at LYZZ, raises eyebrows in acknowledgement; LYZZ smiles back)
LYZZ: Hello everybody. (ALL grumble hellos;) You know, the sign outside the door is crooked. ALEX: (off camera) Son of a bitch!
(LYZZ walks past ANDY; ANDY glances up at her after she passes; LYZZ leans against desk next to ALEX; ALEX does not react at all to LYZZ's presence)
LYZZ: So why's Gags outside?
ANDY: I told him we had a lot of work to do here, so we kicked him out. (pause; camera alternates between ANDY focused on magazine and LYZZ's inquisitive face; crickets are heard in the background; SARAH sniffles off camera)
LYZZ: (to SARAH) So, Sarah, you look like shit.
SARAH: Kyle broke up with me over the weekend, Lyzz. He broke my heart... (freeze frame on DAVE and SARAH)
ANDY: (voiceover) That's Dave, on the left. He's in love with Sarah; that's the one on the right. Sarah's what we call the eternally broken heart. This time, it's Kyle; before that, it was Tom; before that, it was Jack. She's also bloody clueless about Dave. (action resumes)
LYZZ: (sincere attempt at honest affection) Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, it'll be okay.(they begin to hug)
SARAH: (crying) It's okay... It's just... The - The worst part is - he - he - he - he said that he lo-lo-loved me! (sobbing, sniffling, etc, introduce wailing for maximum effect)
LYZZ: Oh, Sarah...
ANDY: (puts down magazine, walks into manager's office; voiceover) Yeah, this is all a daily occurance. (closes door behind him, camera remains in PIT, on closed door)
scene THREE: HER NAME'S LYZZ, WITH ONE "Y" AND TWO "Z"
(black screen, white lettering: "MUCH LATER"; ANDY and GAGS wait for coffee at café)
GAGS: But what makes you think there's anything different about it at all, this time?
ANDY: I dunno, it's not like I got anything certain, or anything; call it a vibe.
GAGS: But it's Lyzz, for Christ's sakes, what makes you think she wants anything from you?
ANDY: (voiceover) GAGS. My best friend, even though he's a doof. He's my ever-painful voice of reason.
ANDY: Oh, thanks, (laughs) fuck you.
GAGS: Oh, shit, no, (nervous laughter) but you know what I mean.
ANDY: Yeah, yeah, I know, but, I mean... Argh. Okay, you know how when she's just kidding around, she'll be all flirty and stuff.
GAGS: Yeah.
ANDY: Yeah, well, you see, there's nothing of the sort, with her and I. There's none of that flirting or anything like that.
GAGS: So you think she wants you (pause) because... she doesn't pay attention to you?
ANDY: Oi, that sounds really bad when you say it out loud. I don't know, we've been friends for how long? I don't know, it's as if there's something there, that goes beyond the usual bullshit. Who knows, maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong.
GAGS: Well, you gotta be careful, bud. I thought I was right last time with Ashley, and look where that's gotten me. I mean, it was great while it lasted, but... It was a good three days, but there was that whole... It's as if we connected, you know?
ANDY: (raises eyebrow, gives GAGS strange look, decides to humor him) Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
GAGS: Yeah, I mean, it's been two months, and I'm just beginning to get over her, and look how long it's lasted.
(mildly attractive WAITRESS gives them their coffees)
WAITRESS: Here you go, boys.
ANDY: Thanks (smiles) Have a good night.
GAGS: Yeah, have a good night, eh?
WAITRESS: You too, guys.
(GAGS and ANDY pick a table, sit down; takes about 20 seconds; ad-libbed dialogue about choice of table; In background, WAITRESS proceeds to clean random table)
GAGS: Hmm, she doesn't look half bad.
ANDY: Jesus Christ, (laughing) one moment you're talking about being heartbroken over Ashley, (looks over shoulder, sees WAITRESS bending over table) and the next you're talking about the waitress's ass.
GAGS: Well, hey, I'm single, it's not like I can't.
ANDY: I-- whatever. Yes, she has a nice... rump... but could we get back to what I was saying?
GAGS: Yeah-- yeah...
ANDY: So as I was saying, it's as if Lyzz--
GAGS: The deal with Ashley was that she knew how I felt about her, and I'm not gonna say that I was in love, but you know, not pretty far off.
ANDY: After three days...
GAGS: Well, there was those three days, but I've been trying to get in touch with her for months before that. It was the... pursuit.
ANDY: So, you've been stalking her.
GAGS: No, I think there's a fine line, a fine line between stalking, and pursuing someone.
ANDY: Eh, kinda creepy nonetheless. I think you're taking this whole thing too seriously, you're putting too much emotional energy in this, and honestly, what are you gonna get in the end? I mean, you know you get the shit kicked out of you every time, and let's face it, you seem to go for unavailable girls. I mean, I'm not one to speak, I do the same, but all in all you've got to realise that-- Are you even listening to me? (looks over shoulder, looks at GAGS with an annoyed look) Would you STOP LOOKING AT HER ASS??
GAGS: Oh, I'm sorry, it's just THERE. But go on.
ANDY: I--
GAGS: Continue.
ANDY: Y-- (exhasperated sigh) Never mind. Here, the short version: I think Lyzz may have a thing for me, but the more I think about it, the more I doubt it, because it's probably her just being comfortable with me, as a friend and all.
GAGS: Maybe. Maybe.
ANDY: Whatever, wanna drive around town like a maniac while yelling obscenities at the top of our lungs??
GAGS: Sure, but not for too long, mom needs the car back in fourty-five minutes.
scene FOUR: HE HAS GREEN EYES
("Other side of town"; LYZZ and TONYA walking towards camera, med-low angle, dolly shot; BOTH hold drinks; silent)
TONYA: What.
LYZZ: What what?
TONYA: What's wrong with you?
LYZZ: Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Well, not more than usual.
TONYA: Are you mad at me?
LYZZ: Should I be mad at you?
TONYA: No, but something's bothering you, and I'm worried, cause you won't tell me.
LYZZ: Listen, Tonya, you're my best friend, and if anything was wrong, trust me, you'd be the first to know.
TONYA: (hesitant) Okay... (BOTH walk in silence)
LYZZ: Do you think Andy has a crush on me?
TONYA: What??
LYZZ: Andy. You know, long hair, suit and tie...
TONYA: Uptight asshole, thought it would be funny to spraypaint my cat?
LYZZ: Heh heh, yeah, he hates cats, but hey, it's not like he actually carried through with it!
TONYA: He's still an asshole!
LYZZ: Really, what do you have against him?
TONYA: I don't know, he's just a real jerk sometimes. And he hates my cat.
LYZZ: He hates ALL cats! Something happened when he was young, he wouldn't say what, (chuckles) who knows what deep-rooted psychological issues he's got.
TONYA: You got the psycho part right.
LYZZ: (defensive) You know what, maybe if you gave him a chance, he wouldn't be such a jerk to you.
TONYA: Jesus Christ, don't tell me YOU've got a thing for him now?
LYZZ: (pause, smiles) He has green eyes.
TONYA: JESUS CHRIST! Lyzz? LYZZ?? LYZZ! (LYZZ continues to silently walk while smiling)
scene FIVE: HER NAME'S LYZZ, WITH ONE "Y" AND TWO "Z" - part two
(ANDY and GAGS in car; GAGS is driving; music in the background)
ANDY: And then I offered to proofread her essay, and by the way, Amy can NOT write, but anyhow, yeah, you know, being the nice guy that I am, and all, I offered to look it over for her, and then I guess she took that as me, you know, being a (pause) being interested, having an... ulterior motive.
GAGS: Huh.
ANDY: And really, it's bloody pissing me off, that everbody now expects that if I, that if anybody does something nice, they want something out of it.
GAGS: Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's not like you couldn't use a girlfriend, you're always complaining about it anyway.
ANDY: I'm complaining because I seem to only attract the biggest maniacs. And that's beside the point! I'm not gonna date someone on the sole reason that they're interested in me. A-again. (winces) And hell, you wouldn't find me complaining if I had someone a bit more... human... after me. Someone like... I don't know.
GAGS: Well, if you're thinking of Lyzz...
ANDY: I'm not thinking of Lyzz. Well, maybe I am thinking of Lyzz, but... She confuses me. I told you, she acts so differently around me, with me.
GAGS: Okay, but don't get your hopes up.
ANDY: I'm nowhere near that, but, oh wait, crap. Yeah. (silence, increasingly panicked look on ANDY's face) The thing is, she never initiates anything, but she never backs off, whatever I do. Like, you know how her and I sometimes--
(audio continues; cut to shot of ANDY and GAGS in the PIT talking; LYZZ enters; ANDY and LYZZ approach in overly dramatic manner, ANDY wraps arm around LYZZ; bends LYZZ over backwards; almost kiss)
ANDY: -- sometimes we just kid around, and I swear, in the moment, I'm convinced she's actually serious. (cut to -- shot of ANDY and GAGS in car)
GAGS: Well, you two do seem very friendly, I'll give you that... But I don't see it, you know? I'm usually right about these things.
ANDY: (laughing) No you're not! Let's be serious, the last time you said that, I had to MAIL you PANTS. You still owe me for the FedEX bill.
GAGS: Okay, yeah, fine... Whatever, don't overthink it. Just, if it happens, it happens, and if something happens, keep it casual. (car pulls into ANDY's driveway)
ANDY: (forced laugher) Don't overthink it. That's cute. Anyhow, whatever you do, keep this quiet, ok?
GAGS: Yeah, sure, just, you know, don't-- Say, do you have Amy's number by any chance?
ANDY: Thanks for the ride, man. Night.
GAGS: Alright, night, bud. See you tomorrow.
ANDY: Yup. (climbs out of GAGS' car; goes to door, unlocks; turns around; GAGS flashes high beams) Ah, fucking hell! (to himself) fucker still thinks that's funny (smiles; mock laughter; waves; closes and locks door; climbs up to room in darkness; throws keys and cell phone on desk and falls back on bed, fully clothed) Can't be. (long pause; shot of beams across ceiling) One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. (pause) Five. Four. Three. Two. One. (pause) Two. Three. Four.
scene SIX: NOT ANOTHER PRETTY FACE
(black screen; phone ringing; shot of ANDY fully clothed laying on bed on stomach as if after a night of sleep; lots of drool is present)
ANDY: (blinks wildly; reaches for phone; wipes drool) Hello?
ALEX: (over phone) Hey sexy, get your ass in here, I need your help.
ANDY: (struggling to wake up) Wha...? Alex?
ALEX: (over phone) Yeeees, now get in here. Shit, you're still asleep, aren't you? Get up getupgetupgetupgetup.
ANDY: (sits up) I'm up, I'm up Goddammit. I'll be in in a bit.
ALEX: (over phone) Ok, well, take your time, it's only half an hour till air time. See ya in a bit! Bye! (hangs up)
ANDY: What? What? Hello? Fuck! (looks at clock) FUCK! (ANDY runs out of bed and down the stairs as the William Tell overture starts playing; ANDY runs in bathroom; comes out wet and half-clothed; runs into kitchen; sees note on counter; music stops; reads note - "Your breakfast is in the fridge. Have a great day at school. Love - Mom"; music resumes; cut to -- ANDY running down the street, hair still wet, clothes half-on, one shoe in hand; devouring a still-wrapped pop tart; ANDY runs past camera; music stops, ANDY is heard laughing nervously and hyperventilating off camera)
scene SEVEN: A KIND HELLO
(ANDY walks into PIT; ALEX works behind computer)
ALEX: Wow, you look like shit!
ANDY: Is that all you people say around here?!
scene EIGHT: TARDS ON PARADE
(black screen; "3:00 P.M."; bell rings, camera in dim light in PIT, focused on door; ANDY opens door, flicks light on; ANDY, LYZZ, ELYSIA and ALISON enter; ANDY leans against booth; LYZZ hangs a coat or bag up on coat rack; ALISON sets backpack down on St. CYR's desk, rifles through; ELYSIA moves towards the computer)
LYZZ: Oi, I gotta get out of here.
ELYSIA: (sitting down) Are we going to TechMan's house?
LYZZ: (distractedly) Yes. (to ANDY) Sarah kept crying all through the day. AGAIN. She would not stop. I probably have snot all over my shoulder from her.
ELYSIA: (leaning over to see) Are we going to TechMan's house?
LYZZ: Yeah we are. (to ANDY) I skipped math class for her, and what do I get? Crying and whining and bitching. Ugh, I just hate it when she does this.
ELYSIA: (leaning over to see) Hey guys, are we going to TechMan's hou--
ALISON: YES, FOR THE NINTH FUCKING TIME, WE'RE GOING TO TECHMAN'S HOUSE (freeze frame)
ANDY: (voiceover) Ali's a very calm person. Ali's sexually frustrated. Ali snaps. We like Ali. (action resumes)
ELYSIA: Fine, you don't have to yell at me, Christ, why is everybody so angry all of a sudden, I mean, all I did was ask a simple question, and all you people go crazy on me, and it's not like I even... (camera loses focus on ELYSIA, changes focus to ANDY and LYZZ)
ANDY: Yeah, let's go find Alex. (opens door, tactuflly EXITS, LYZZ takes coat, moves away, pulls ALISON behind)
ELYSIA: (from behind the computer) So I really don't understand why this happens every time, and I'm not sure if it's just me, or it's everybody, but it's always me that you guys snap at. (pause) Guys?
scene NINE: A STAR IS BORN
(ANDY, LYZZ and ALISON enter Auditorium, off key guitar music/singing is heard in background; GAGS is on stage, ALEX stands beside PEOPLE)
LYZZ: Alex should be in here, I think he's crewing the next assembly.
ANDY: Haha... screwing... Hey, look, it's Gags, is he auditioning? The son of a bitch, we were supposed to do Wish You Were Here as a duo.
LYZZ: Oh, it's okay, it doesn't sound like Wish You Were Here anyhow.
GAGS: (singing, sporadically playing chords) Oooooh, you had to leave me baby/And you took my heart with you/Ooooh, you had to leave me baby/And now I'm feelin just so blue/And now I sit alone/Waiting for you/Hoping you would call/Or maybe I'll call you-uu-uu-uuuu/Ooooh, you had to leave me baby/And I... miss... youuuuuu.
(cut to-- stunned look on ANDY LYZZ ALISON)
ANDY: Oh dear God, that was terrible.
LYZZ: (laughing) No shit...
ALISON: Aaw, you guys are assholes, that's so sweet of him.
ANDY: (exhasperated look throughout, shrugs, starts walking towards stage, claps) Good job, dude, that was great.
GAGS: Andy? Hey, thanks bud, didn't know you were here. I'll be right down. (exits stage)
ALEX: Hey, how's it going?
ANDY: Oh, it's peachy fucking keen. What the hell was that?
ALEX: (laughing) That was Gags's original material.
ANDY: (puts head in palm) Oh, no.
ALEX: Oh, and he's going in the assembly.
ANDY: Oh, God, please, no, he'll make an ass of himself in front of the entire school.
ALEX: Dude, I got twenty minutes left, if I don't stuff them with something, I'm basically fucked, because the assembly's gonna get called off. I'm stage manager, it has to get done this way.
ANDY: Oi... Well, anyhow, we're waiting for you, we're still getting together at your place, right?
ALEX: Yeah, we'll go get Pizza, ok? I'll be done in just a minute. (to other techie) Hey, Dan, get the cordless mics from the booth, so then we don't have to run this stupid (kicks gaff-taped line on ground with every word) fucking... patch... across... the... fucking... stage... so... some fucking... idiot... can... trip. (to ANDY) Yeah, I'll be done in a minute.
ANDY: Mkay. (exit)
(ANDY leans back against piano, looking towards LYZZ and ALISON; camera cuts to LYZZ who is talking to ALISON; GAGS enters)
GAGS: Hey bud. How's it going?
ANDY: It's... Good. Yeah, good. So, you gonna perform in the assembly, then?
GAGS: Yeah, I'm gonna, you know, just go up there with my axe (points to guitar case) and you know, let it out.
ANDY: Nice. You wrote that yourself, right?
GAGS: Yeah, you like it?
ANDY: Yeah, it was neat, but don't you think it's a tad too... personal?
GAGS: Well, nobody needs to know who it's about.
ANDY: (voiceover) Too bad everybody already does.
GAGS: I mean, hey, most rock songs, you don't know who they're addressed to anyhow, so it's not like I care.
ANDY: Well, I guess you're right. Anyhow, good job, man, best I've heard you play. I gotta run tho, the monkeys are waiting for me.
GAGS: Alright man, have a good night, I'll prolly see you tomorrow, or maybe you'll be online?
ANDY: I dunno, depends on when I get home. Tomorrow's probably the safer bet.
GAGS: Well, I'll be online later tonight, so maybe I'll see you on.
ANDY: Okay, see ya.
GAGS: Later, bud. (as ANDY leaves) Behave! (nervous laughter; ANDY turns around, gives GAGS sarcastic smile; ANDY walks back to LYZZ and ALISON. ELYSIA is there.)
ELYSIA: (to ANDY) You're an asshole.
ANDY: So I'm told!
scene TEN: ANDY MAULS LYZZ
(black screen; 3:24; ALEX unlocks door; opens door; ALL are laughing)
ALEX: Penis!
ALISON: Ahh! I hate that word! Call it cock, call it dick, wang, I don't care!
ANDY: Heh, "dick-wang."
ALISON: No, really, I hate it! I never want to hear "penis" again!
ALEX: (turns to ALISON, calmly:) But no, Ali, you like the cock.
ALISON: (offended, shies away) Screw you guys.
(ANDY, ALEX, and LYZZ moving toward bedroom; ELYSIA and ALISON holding back)
ELYSIA: Hey, Alex, can I get something to drink?
ALEX: Yeah, go ahead. In the fridge. (turns to ANDY and LYZZ) So yeah, as I was saying before the whole "penis" (ALISON screams in background) thing... (they enter bedroom) I was crewing--
ANDY: Heh, "screwing."
ALEX: (looks at ANDY sternly) No. (ANDY puts his bag down) As I was. Crewing. The dance in Guelph last weekend, this annoying little girl kept poking me in the side and yelling, "Bubbles!" And -- ah, fuck it. I need to sleep. (falls down on bed)
LYZZ: Ooo, I shall join you! (devilish smile as she quickly glances back at ANDY, then lays down next to ALEX with her back to him; pulls his arm around her waist)
ANDY: (annoyed look; then an evil grin and nod)
(Cut to kitchen; extreme close-up of ALISON opening her pop and it explodes on her)
ALISON: Ah, fuck! Goddamnit! Stupid... pop! (starts wiping herself)
ELYSIA: (ignoring her misfortune) So then what happened?
ALISON: Yeah... So just as Derek took my top off, his mom walked in again and she was like, "Oh shit... I... forgot my keys in the house..."
ELYSIA: (laughs) Oh my God. What did you do?
ALISON: I didn't do anything. I was just so embarrassed... Don't laugh, it's not funny! How would you like it if it happened to you?
(Cut to bedroom; ANDY is falling on the bed in between ALEX and LYZZ, his back to LYZZ; ALEX is looking petrified)
ANDY: (snuggles up to ALEX) Hi there, sailor!
LYZZ: (is laughing)
ALEX: (clears throat) I... I think I need a drink. (bolts out of the room)
ANDY: Works every time. (cut to high angle as ANDY laughs and rolls over. He puts his arm around LYZZ and vibrates)
LYZZ: (shrieks; both laugh)
ANDY: Hi.
LYZZ: Hi. (both sigh with an air of comfort)
ANDY: (pokes LYZZ repeatedly in the side)
LYZZ: (squeaks and squirms)
ANDY: Hmm... (interested) Ticklish, are we?
(Cut to kitchen. ALISON is leaning against counter; ELYSIA is leaning against the fridge)
ALISON: And after that, he couldn't even get it up anymore.
ELYSIA: (laughing) Oh my God, but I can't blame him... Most guys probably can't get it up after a dead rat falls on them!
ALISON: It's not funny! Honestly, there's no safe place to do it! (very bitter, upset) And at this rate, it's not likely to happen... Fucker can't get it up.
ALEX: (entering the room; goes right for the fridge, opening it; ELYSIA gets pushed by the door) Who couldn't get it up? (closes fridge and turns to ALISON; ELYSIA rests against the door again, annoyed)
(Cut to slightly later, in the dark bedroom, where ANDY and LYZZ are still on the bed; ELYSIA and ALISON are sitting on the foot of the bed; ALEX is at the computer; ALL are watching a cartoon on the computer and laughing)
COMPUTER: ANAAAAAAAL LEAKAGE!! (ALL laugh)
ALEX: It's funny cause his butt hurts... (ALL laugh; camera focuses on ANDY and LYZZ)
ANDY: (still tickling LYZZ, who is twitching; ANDY pulls blanket over them from behind) So is this your really ticklish spot? (under shirt)
LYZZ: Nope. (ANDY is moving lower on her stomach) Warmer. Warmer. Oops... cold. You fail.
ANDY: (disappointed) Crap.
LYZZ: Okay, try here. (puts ANDY's hand just slightly inisde her belt line)
ANDY: Hmmm... (eyes closed, he tickles LYZZ around her hip bone)
LYZZ: (squeaks) Here. (Grabs ANDY's hand and shoves it signifficantly farther down her pants)
(Close-up of ANDY and LYZZ's faces; ANDY's eyes bulge out; pause; LYZZ grins; James Brown - The Payback starts playing; cut to--)
scene ELEVEN: FEELIN' FINE
(slow boom up from ANDY's feet as he walks down the hall - big grin; James Brown - The Payback; ANDY stops next to ALEX, who is taking a CAT out of his locker; both pause)
ALEX: What are YOU so grinny about?
ANDY: Hello to you too. No, I dunno, guess I just... I'm feelin' fine. (grin widens) You ever wake up, and just feel so (ANDY takes a deep breath, exhales) satisfied? (DELTCHO walks up to ALEX with a burlap sack. ALEX places cat in sack, DELTCHO and ALEX nod, DELTCHO exits) So... accomplished? Like you've done a good deed? (ALEX and ANDY walk towards PIT)
ALEX: You're on drugs, buddy. Anyhow. Will you be in Radio later on?
ANDY: Yeah, I'm actually going there now. Theoretically, I should be in English, but I'll be damned if I read one more fucking ounce of Shakespeare.
ALEX: OUNCE of Shakespeare, eh? (somewhat out of focus, DELTCHO is beating burlap sack against a wall)
ANDY: Hey, public schooling got me this far, public schooling's gonna carry me all the way.
ALEX: Oh yeah, that's super... (ANDY rolls eyes) Anyway, I gotta beat a small child... (silence) don't you love how I just said that? Just like... (they walk in silence, ANDY's eyes firmly planted on ground, ALEX looks at ANDY) Okay, "no" again. (they reach PIT door) Okay, I'll swing by later.
ANDY: Seeeeee ya. (opens door, enters) Weirdo. (ANDY takes off coat, throws it on St.CYR's desk; walks over to computer; sits down; plays Led Zeppelin - All Of My Love; starts typing scene one)
scene TWELVE: THE MORNING AFTER
(close-up of TONYA's screaming face)
TONYA: YOU DID WHAT?!
(med shot of LYZZ and TONYA walking down hall, low angle, dolly shot, TONYA wears "Sweet dreams are made of these" t-shirt)
LYZZ: (laughs) Yeah, well, shit happens.
TONYA: NO! No it doesn't! Stop it!
LYZZ: What? He's sexy!
TONYA: Oh, God, you did NOT just say that!
LYZZ: Yeah I did.
TONYA: Oh, God, that's disgusting!
LYZZ: What's so disgusting about that?
TONYA: At Alex's! Around a bunch of people!
LYZZ: Oh shut up, you've done worse!
TONYA: (angry face, points finger at LYZZ) Don't start with me.
LYZZ: No, really, you shouldn't be pointing fingers (LYZZ bends TONYA's finger, pushes her arm down) and besides, you need someone, maybe you'd stop being so uppity.
TONYA: I am not uppity! (pause) And plus, who??
LYZZ: I don't know... How about Gags?
(Psycho theme plays as camera cuts closer and closer to TONYA's horrified face)
TONYA: Oh God no! He's worse than Andy!
LYZZ: Okay, get over it, he didn't actually spraypaint your cat.
TONYA: Just because he can't run fast doesn't make him any less of an asshole!
(cut to-- shot of ANDY chasing cat through frame down empty street, spraypaint can in hand)
ANDY: Here kitty kitty kitty! (retarded laughter)
(cut to-- LYZZ and TONYA in hallway)
TONYA: And besides... Gags is a dick (pause) and he's still whining about that Ashley girl.
LYZZ: He dated her for three days...
TONYA: Two and a half, really. Well, it was eighteen hours. (catches self, awkward pause) He's a dick!
LYZZ: Right. Well, whichever the case, I had a good night, and you didn't, so... Oh God, here comes Sarah, you didn't see me! (exit in hurry)
TONYA: Wha..?
(enter SARAH)
SARAH: Hey Tonya. (sniffs)
TONYA: What's up?
SARAH: (lips quiver, she breaks down) Kyle broke my heart!
TONYA: Oh, no...
scene THIRTEEN: COME ONE, COME ALL
(ANDY sits at PIT computer, typing. Led Zeppelin - All Of My Love plays in the background; franctic scratching is heard at door)
LYZZ: (from behind door) Oh dear God, please be in here, let me in!!
ANDY: (runs to door, opens door)
LYZZ: Oh good, I don't think she saw me. (LYZZ jumps up at ANDY; they kiss)
ANDY: (smiles nervously) Hello to you too! Now who're you running from?
LYZZ: Sarah! I've been trying to hide from her all day. She won't shut up, she won't stop crying (mocking voice; ANDY walks back towards desk, holding her hand, pulling her along) Oooooh, he broke my heart, ooooooh, nyah nyah nyah... Fuckin' shoot me! (LYZZ and ANDY stare at each other somewhat nervously)
ANDY: So... Last night. Er...
LYZZ: (pushes ANDY down onto chair, sits in his lap) What about last night. Did anything happen? Nothing happened. Of course nothing happened. (they kiss)
ANDY: Ok! (somewhat shakily) Hi. (smiles)
LYZZ: (closes eyes, rests head on ANDY's shoulder) Hi.
ANDY: (hesitantly) So...
LYZZ: (pause) So... Wacha writing?
ANDY: Oh, nothing. It's just a little script, about the lot of us. You know, the average day in the life of... us. The radio whores. I figure it's pretty neat, I just have to exaggerate a few things here and there, but it should be pretty basic.
LYZZ: Hmmm. Sounds good. Am I gonna be in it? (smiles coyly, they kiss)
ANDY: Ok!
LYZZ: Though I don't know how I feel about being in a script written by some horny teenager (smiles jokingly at ANDY; BOTH look at camera with mild annoyance)
ANDY: (pause) So... I guess it's a bad idea to ask how Sarah's dealing with stuff.
(fast-forward movement of camera through the halls to SECRET STAIRWELL; SARAH and RYAN sitting next to each other)
SARAH: (sobbing) Oh, Ryan, he broke my heart... (pause. SARAH jumps RYAN; both fall from bottom of frame; fast russian-type music plays; SARAH's naked leg kicks over a ming vase)
(cut to-- ANDY and LYZZ in the PIT)
LYZZ: I can't help but feel guilty... Poor thing... She must be so lonely.
ANDY: Yeah... (ANDY and LYZZ look at each other; simultaneously blink; start making out)
ANDY: (voiceover) There's a fundamental rule of science, that as soon as things start going right, you WILL get right-up fucked, just enough to shake your balls like a pair of fucking maraccas. (close-up of PIT door handle turning quickly; St. CYR walks in, stares blankly at LYZZ and ANDY; LYZZ quickly stands up, faces St. CYR)
LYZZ: (nervously) Hi.
ANDY: (awkwardly grabs book; opens at random page; flips book upside down) Look! I am reading for fourth period.
St. CYR: (mild annoyance; squints; shakes head; picks up paper off desk; turns) Fucking kids. (St. CYR exits; ANDY slams head on desk)
LYZZ: Smooth, Andy, smooth.
ANDY: (voiceover) No real consequences, just God's way of giving you the five-across-the-eyes to remind you that you're still alive, and that you're his bitch.